Unknown

I have been reading several books just for fun lately. Reading is actually therapeutic to me so I somehow find time to read in addition to the books I read for assignments for my classes. Right now, I'm almost finished with Leeana Tankersley's book, Begin Again: The Brave Practice of Releasing Hurt & Receiving Rest. This book has been so life-giving to me and has really helped me walk through many of my struggles and thoughts in this season of life. One of my favorite quotes from the book has been something I've been pondering lately, as what it states is so true and raw and something I've wanted to say, but didn't really know how to put into words. She beautifully states,

"Most of us, though, would rather hang on to a known, even if what is known isn't working, even if it requires no faith at all, than venture into the unknown." 

On an early morning while drinking my coffee before class, I read this statement in the middle of one of the chapters and I just stopped. I highlighted the statement and closed the book. This was such a profound thought to me. I started to journal my thoughts toward this book, specifically this statement and how it was challenging me. Writing is also very therapeutic to me, thus why I have many avenues to express myself via writing (this blog being one of them). Now that I've had time to reflect and understand more of the known vs. the unknown that Leeana is talking about here, I see why this statement hit me so hard. During this season of my life, I've been able to see and reflect the knowns of my life that weren't working out for me that I was so desperately holding onto. I was holding onto these known aspects because of the utter fear of venturing into the unknown. 

There are many times in my life where I've ventured into the unknown and it's all worked out rather well, I would like to think at least. I attended a college three hours away from my hometown, honestly not really knowing what I wanted to do with my life. Two months later, I called my parents and told them I was changing my major, amidst the fact that at that moment there weren't many people who supported me. Those are just some of the unknowns of many that I've walked through.

Although there have been many seasons of walking into the unknowns, there have been far more seasons of clinging to the comfort of knowns. I have held onto relationships and friendships far longer than I should have because it was known and I thought I could make all the plans I wanted to, until my way didn't work out as I planned out so precisely, that is. I have clung to lies that I've told myself, because that was what was known to me. I had told myself the lies long enough that it was more known to me than the unknown of the truths that God says about me. I have clung to work positions feeling successful or proud that I worked somewhere specific and to people in my life that provided stability and feelings of being known. Although none of these aspects of life are bad for us to desire or have in our lives, it becomes toxic when we cling to the misconception of certainty that we believe they have instead of clinging to trusting God with all of the aspects of our lives.

In this season, I've really wondered what makes us cling to the knowns, even if we know it's not working. We know that amidst our unknowns, God has our good in mind, yet we still struggle with trusting Him enough to surrender the unknown parts of our life to Him and to let Him have full control. In this recent season of life, I've started to walk into a lot of unknowns. In a year I will finish my Bachelor's degree and at this point I have the freedom to go wherever I feel called, with no reservations or hesitations. Although that's freeing in a way, it's still an unknown that I would rather have as a known aspect in my book. I'm walking into the unknown of so many aspects of my life that I thought I had planned out and yet in an instance, I was reminded that my plan of knowns is so much less than the unknowns of trusting God and allowing Him to have reign and letting Him have His way in my life. Leanna states another beautiful statement at the concluding of her chapter that states,

"But we choose. We are not forced into anything. We can try to hold it all together, or we can open our hands." 

I hope in this season that you will allow yourself to open your hands, no matter how hard it is. I hope you will find yourself being okay with the unknowns, no matter how vulnerable that feels. I pray that amidst your journey to releasing hurt and receiving rest that you will rest assured knowing that God has your very best interest in mind, even when you don't feel like it. That's a truth we all need reminded of sometimes, here's your reminder.