Control
I'm sitting at my desk in my room in my dorm, the halls are eerie and empty as all but one of my residents has moved out, I've taken down all of my hall decorations and there are less than twenty people still living in the residence hall as a total. I've done a lot of reflecting within the past several days as this space has been a space that has truly felt like home this year. I've experienced some of the most joyous moments here, such as meeting my residents for the first time, creating memories with my staff, hosting friends and family in the space that I claim as home, and even receiving the news that I got the job that I was hoping for next year. However, I've also experienced some of the most challenging hardships here, too, such as having hard conversations with friends, crying multiple nights when going through a brutal breakup, and experiencing anxiety. All of these things, ups or downs, have led me to such a greater reminder: that I'm not in control.
Those who know me well, know that I can be somewhat of a control freak at times. This has been something I've worked on at many times throughout my life, but ultimately it's something that I know I will have to continue working on. In this season, I feel like God has been constantly reminding me of the lack of control that I have, even when I so desperately try to grasp for it.
A little less than a month ago, IWU held a For King & Country concert and they played a song titled, "Control." I've heard many songs about surrendering to God before or letting go of the things we think we have to have control over, but for some reason this one hit me just a little differently. The song's first line states "You asked me to let go but I thought I knew better," and for all of the reasons possible, this line shook me to the core. Throughout the past semester, thing after thing came crumbling down to the point where I thought all of the plans I had made for my future were destroyed. In some sense, that is true. However, after hearing this song I finally realized why this was the case. I had gone on for so long making plan after plan, yet hadn't stopped for long to ask God if that's what He had for me.
Although I'm not saying that I think God doesn't want us to make any plans for our lives, I'm simply stating that instead, I want the last part of For King & Country's song, "Control," to be the anthem of my life. It states "So won't you make my eyes Your eyes, my ears Your ears, my tears Your tears, and won't You make my hands Your hands, my feet Your feet, my dreams Your dreams, I give up control, body, mind, and soul, can't do this on my own, I give up control."
Those who know me well, know that I can be somewhat of a control freak at times. This has been something I've worked on at many times throughout my life, but ultimately it's something that I know I will have to continue working on. In this season, I feel like God has been constantly reminding me of the lack of control that I have, even when I so desperately try to grasp for it.
A little less than a month ago, IWU held a For King & Country concert and they played a song titled, "Control." I've heard many songs about surrendering to God before or letting go of the things we think we have to have control over, but for some reason this one hit me just a little differently. The song's first line states "You asked me to let go but I thought I knew better," and for all of the reasons possible, this line shook me to the core. Throughout the past semester, thing after thing came crumbling down to the point where I thought all of the plans I had made for my future were destroyed. In some sense, that is true. However, after hearing this song I finally realized why this was the case. I had gone on for so long making plan after plan, yet hadn't stopped for long to ask God if that's what He had for me.
Although I'm not saying that I think God doesn't want us to make any plans for our lives, I'm simply stating that instead, I want the last part of For King & Country's song, "Control," to be the anthem of my life. It states "So won't you make my eyes Your eyes, my ears Your ears, my tears Your tears, and won't You make my hands Your hands, my feet Your feet, my dreams Your dreams, I give up control, body, mind, and soul, can't do this on my own, I give up control."
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